--from December 20, 2019
We all set forth in this world with a sense of invincibility. We leap into our journeys with a detailed intent of everything we hope will happen.
Then we realize God has a completely different plan for us.
I did not foresee my entire world being shattered as a little girl en route to a field trip. I did not expect to be removed from a big yellow school bus only to be told my mother had breathed her last and breast cancer had won this time. In my mind I wasn't supposed to hold a cold, yellow hand that could not squeeze me
back, or see my father cry. I could not have fathomed that my 20-something years would be the time I missed her the most, wishing I could hear her voice tell me what to do.
Yeah, none of that was imaginable.
Yet, these pains--they happen. Sometimes they are inexplainable, and we spend so much of our time searching for an answer that will never be discovered. It is only in the little moments, the little things within our daily lives that provide us even the slightest bit of happiness, we hear ourselves whisper, "I understand."
This is a lesson I am learning always, in increments.
The realization that God's plan is so much bigger than my own.
That truth lies in the fact that such a horrible loss brought a beautiful, saint of a woman to grace my family's life with her presence, saving my broken family. She picked up the pieces and held them together with her own hands--a love so unconditional that blossomed into the love of our new mother. One that led to the inheritance of an amazing family that complimented what we already had and what we had no longer.
It lives in the remarkable strength my father would display throughout it all--the foundation for everything that I am today. A strength I aspire to embody every single day as I face any obstacle in my path.
It is exemplified through the compassion, poise, and bravery of my sister who shows such selflessness to everyone she meets, despite the plethora of reasons she has to be anything but kind.
It is my closest friends who know me better than I know myself, who are there for me, who accept me in all walks of my life--the real ones who never stray no matter the distance, the ones who know the power of two hearts connected.
It's the greatest sport in the world that's been my sanctuary all these years, and remains a part of my soul although it is not as present in my life anymore.
It is the man who constantly reminds me of the deepest kind of love by standing by my side through the darkness and the light. The man who loves my family, whose family loves me, who my angel would have loved.
It's the people I've met along the way, the teachers, the listeners, the family away from my family. You know who you are.
It is the love that prevails amidst any heartache.
Sometimes this life will break us, test us, knock us down to our knees. Sometimes the best things that happen to us are the prayers left unanswered, or those answered in ways we did not intend.
As the holidays are approaching, I encourage you to remember this, and to embrace what God does provide for us. Embrace life's little instances of joy, hold onto them tightly.
Remember that in the grand scheme of this life we often view as so complicated, it is really quite simple: happiness can be found in any occasion.
God gives you what He knows will help you grow, what will challenge you. He opens doors, He closes doors. It is in our reaction that we build character. He reminds us that we must rejoice in the preciousness of time.
Because sometimes the unexpected can take it all away, or maybe change our course for the better. That's the true, fragile beauty of it all.
With love,
Baylee
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