November 3, 2022
As any former college athlete can relate, sometimes finding motivation to work out like we used to can be hard. There is no longer a team surrounding you, cheering you on. There is not a trainer pushing you to your limits. The harsh truth is that ultimately, the motivation falls on you. Some of us have that totally innate drive for fitness, while others absolutely cruise in the newfound relaxation they've found, and some of us are right there in between.
Personally, I tend to find my motivation like the waves of a lake. Not necessarily an ocean, cause those waves can be giant, but a lake is more like it. Sometimes I'm riding on top of that super rad, totally awesome wave, all in it, highly-energized and ready to work out every morning--this "balls-to-the-walls" mentality. And that lasts for a little bit...then the wave (as all waves tend to do) comes crashing down a bit. It becomes calmer, gentler. That is when I feel the weight of the external factors of my life--my job, my social well-being, all those little things--compile on my heart and weigh me down a bit. And suddenly I just feel tired more often, not really finding the deep desire to have a 5am lift before what I know will be a really long day at the office. It is what it is.
My boyfriend and I have talked about this often, and we've wondered why this is the way we feel. Knowing people in our lives who are so fitness-oriented, it can be challenging not to compare ourselves (to each their own, though, seriously--I admire the heck outta the people who are like this). Yet, we have realized that perhaps it is simply because we have been so accustomed to that crazy routine for such a significant, and fairly large, portion of our lives, and suddenly our souls are craving different methods of exercise, of movement, outside of playing the sport we love (which we still do whenever we can).
This is my longwinded, and probably exhausting (my apologies) introduction into my post today. You see, the last few days I have been yearning to go for a really great walk. Not a run, not a jog or a sprint, a good ol' fashioned walk. Naturally, the insanely self-critical being that I tend to be, automatically jumps to tell myself that I am lazy, pathetic, and fat. Seriously! These thoughts creep into my mind, seeking to feast on any ounce of joy I might have in my soul at the time. All day I was tormented by these thoughts, trying to tell myself I needed to do more, that I was complacent, that I would lose my figure and tone and, truly, every other completely irrational thing you can think of.
But my goodness, today was the most deeply gorgeous day. The sun did not pause a moment when shining her rays, bouncing a myriad of colors into sight as the yellows and browns and reds and oranges of the leaves shimmered about.
I thought to myself, why wouldn't I go for a walk to enjoy this?
And so I did. I left the office and took to the beautiful trail just behind my apartment, the one that has sat there for so long, barely touched by my feet. I called my mother during my stroll, reminiscent of the times she would take me on walks in middle and high school throughout our neighborhood. I cannot really recall what we would talk about, but it was anything under the sun. And we would just walk together. We would be so deeply present.
So here I was on my walk, talking to my mother once again, and I felt a rush of engulfing bliss. I could not help but smile while we chatted about our days, catching up on the little things. I felt as if I was in a movie, the trail sprinkled with people wrapping up their days in a similar notion--runners riding that runners high, couples linked by their hands, a father holding his infant son in a carrier, the baby absolutely giggling so loudly and infectiously that it was impossible not to giggle back. Human beings simply being just that...unapologetically human.
The trees arched over the pathway, seemingly caressing the trail and everyone within their branches. Fallen leaves decorated the patches of dirt and grass that barely peeked through. The crisp air filled my lungs with each restorative breath.
Without even realizing it, I walked for over an hour, about 4 miles.
I've always found that I am my most authentic self when I am connected in nature. As all the great poets and literary geniuses of the past rooted themselves in nature motifs and metaphors, I fully believe I would have been a Trancedentalist myself back then, too. There is something so truly beautiful about the resilience of nature, the simplicity, the strength. While walking through the wooded pathway, I could only help but feel a stillness in my heart. And with such stillness, I realized something:
We often misconstrue stillness with complacency, when it is the opposite of such.
Stillness does not really mean an absence of happenstance. Rather, stillness can be an indication of growth, an incubation of everything buried within you that is waiting to be born. Leaves, they fall, and become still forevermore. Then their fibers become the earth, and that earth sparks a new age of grass and plants and flowers and organisms and everything in between. Trees, they are so seemingly stoic and unmoving, yet beneath the soil, they continue to create an infinite root system, constantly changing, evolving, adapting. You see, sometimes stillness is needed more than you may even realize. Just as I was worried that a walk upon a trail was not good enough, was too "still" for me, it was exactly what I needed.
So I encourage you today to give yourself some grace. Allow yourself to be still. Whether it's going on a journey through the wooded way, or mediating, or simply sitting in a quiet room for a moment. Allow yourself to breathe, to feel every inch of yourself succumbing to the world you are within. Take note of that feeling of a positive stillness, acknowledge the growth that lies inside you, and remind yourself how fantastic you are that you've made it this far. Recognize the little bits of joy that come with. Just let yourself be.
As Louis Armstrong wrote in his infamous tune,
I see trees of green/ Red roses too/ I see them bloom/ For me and you/ And I think to myself/ What a wonderful world
I see skies of blue/ And clouds of white/ The bright blessed day/ The dark sacred night/ And I think to myself/ What a wonderful world
The colors of the rainbow/So pretty in the sky/ Are also on the faces/ Of people going by/ I see shaking hands/ Saying how do you do/ They're really saying/ I love you
I hear babies cry/ I watch them grow/ They'll learn much more/ Than I'll ever know/ And I think to myself/ What a wonderful world/ Yes, I think to myself/ What a wonderful world.
And what a wonderful world it is, isn't it?
Until next time my friends,
Bay
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